Men Day 2015 Part 2

Jenny and I downed a few grenadine-heavy tequila sunrises and around 11:30 decided to go out. The boys' cell phones had died several hours before but we could predict where they would end up -- the Alte Kantine in Kulturbrauerei, a large building complex that formerly housed a brewery (hence the name Brauerei). Now it houses several clubs, small businesses, and a couple restaurants. Alte Kantine is a favorite of the boys because of quite a few reasons that keep them coming back week after week after week, despite the dozens of amazing clubs that provide Berlin its famous nightlife:

• cheap 5 euro entrance and hardly any line
• reasonable drink prices (3 eur beers, 6-7 eur rum & cokes, 1 eur shooters)
• partygoers are in their mid 20s - because no one wants to go out and party with 16 year olds just able to get into clubs
• big dance floor and good mix of music. The DJ normally plays a few songs from one genre and switches to another one; so you'll hear Backstreet Boys and Britney Spears, then a few German pop songs, then a few rap songs, then some modern pop songs, and maybe even some good ol' 90s grunge rock after that
• not really any electro music, which the boys don't really like for an entire evening anyway, and which ensures that drugs in the club are at a minimum

So we could predict with 90% certainty that Olli and Mario would be heading to Alte Kantine some time that night, if they were still coherent enough to decide they even wanted to go out. Remember, they had been drinking for about 12 hours by this time.

She and I went to a dive bar in Prenzlauer Berg called Mokum. It was everything a dive bar should be - dirty, filled with drunk loud people, shady changing drink prices, darts, pool table; and it even had a  small dance room with a few tables and worn fake-leather couches sprinkled along the walls. 

outside of Mokum (yelp.com)

The DJ was playing heavy metal when we arrived and found a spot on a couch. The dance floor was mostly empty except for a few guys who were really into the music. I couldn't help sitting there and laughing silently -- watching these crazy white people bounce around and headbang reminded me of the "Black People not Amused with White People" meme. Of course Jenny didn't get it when I told her because there are seemingly only 3 black people in all of Germany, and those who are here definitely do not have the same culture as in America. So she just nodded as if she knew what I was talking about and we went back to watching the crazed rockers mosh around. 

I was beginning to understand what rocker Jenny liked about the bar - she is a rocker through and through and while she tolerates pop, it's really not her thing. I went with her once to an 80s metal night and was like "Who is this person and how can she headbang so much?"

Blah blah blah, party party party, dance dance dance, beer beer beer. Fast forward to 4 am. Shortly after we arrived, Jenny had requested a Judas Priest song - and the DJ promptly played everything except 80s metal. She was getting pretty annoyed and definitely not feeling the atmosphere any longer, so we called it a night. The bar is situated directly on the tram line I needed to go back home, and would have been faster than walking back to the Ubahn station and taking the subway with Jenny, so we said goodbye and headed our separate ways.

I unfortunately managed to just miss the tram. During the day, almost all of the public transport systems run ever 5 - 10 minutes. After midnight regardless of the day, the trams run once every half hour. I arrived at the stop and saw 30 minutes until the next one. Perfect. I was in relatively safe Berlin, in a relatively safe neighborhood, and the sky was already beginning to get lighter, even at 4 am, and I was sober. I decided to follow the tram line and walk from one station to the next. It's something I would never do in San Francisco, with the high-crime areas of the Tenderloin and Western Addition blocking the path to my apartment in pristine Pacific Heights. But here in Berlin, it was just a walk in the cool, early morning air.

So I walked.. and walked.. and walked. The minutes on each tram station dwindled but not nearly fast enough. At this rate I would be all the way to Frankfurter Allee before the tram even got close. So when I came to the intersection where Mario always turns left while driving home, I decided to follow that road instead. The hypotenuse is the shortest distance between two points, and I've come this far, might as well walk the rest of the way, right?

Well.. Not exactly. I've got a habit of heading off in the general direction of something without knowing exactly how to get there. I always arrive, but it's not necessarily the best route. It's actually usually definitely not the fastest route. And this happened again. See, the thing about Berlin is that it is huge. HUGE. It is 891 km sq. San Francisco is a measly 121 km sq, including Treasure Island and Alcatraz. The entire city of San Francisco is basically a district inside Berlin. I failed to take this into account and walked for about 50 minutes. I saw a landmark, a tall hotel, that is about 10 minutes away from our apartment. And it was probably at least 20 minutes of walking away. By now the sun was almost over the horizon and my refreshing morning walk had turned into drudgery. I found an Sbahn station and hopped onto the train, getting home in 10 minutes.

I texted Jenny as promised, letting her know that I got home all right. It was almost 5:30 am and Mario still wasn't home. That isn't anything strange - sometimes he gets home at 7 am when he goes out without me, and sometimes we get home at 8 or 9 when we go out together. But this time something didn't feel right. I waited and waited, and finally at 6:30 I decided it was time to go to bed.

I woke up just before 9 am with a start. Still no Mario. I had a really bad feeling. I immediately checked my phone and saw that he had written me just minutes before:

"Baby ich bin im Krankenhaus und muss erst mal hier bleiben... Es geht mir so weit gut also mach dir bitte keine Sorgen. Ich liebe dich. Ich muss jetzt schlafen"  - Baby I am in the hospital and have to stay here for now. I'm OK so far so don't worry, please. I love you. I have to sleep now.

 Cue instant panic.

Pinkie Promises and Penis Fights

I don’t know how it happens, but my friends always attract the most colorful characters in Berlin.  There was that one old Italian guy who, while my boyfriend and I were waiting for the Ubahn, wanted to come over to chat with us. My boyfriend gave him an “Eat shit and die” look before the guy could get within speaking distance, and the man wisely took the hint and started talking to a trash can instead about how unfriendly we are.

Then there was that middle-aged couple who bought just two cigarettes from us. They were drunk and on their way to a concert at 7:30am (just as we were coming back from a club). The music they were going to hear? Indian-influenced techno, at a ridiculous 170 beats per minute. They invited us to come, but we politely declined. For your reference, here's a 160bpm track. I can only imagine what Indian-flavored techno at 170 bpm would sound like...

Oh, and then there was that drunk person who tripped UP the stairs at the Frankfurter Tor Ubahn station, recovered slightly, and then strolled away. Pretty normal, actually… Until we noticed he had a huge unopened can of soup in his hoodie pocket. Literally, the can could have fed four people. It was a Costco, Sams Club sized can of soup. The strangest part is that it was very early on a Sunday morning, and it is pretty much impossible to go to a grocery store so early on a Sunday, meaning he must have been carrying around with him for who knows how long.

BUT -- the more I think about it, the more that it makes sense. Birds of a feather flock together, and as the German saying goes, my boyfriend and his friends haben ein Vogel -- literally, have a bird. Figuratively, they are a bit off their rocker.  Combine that with very friendly and talkative personalites -- especially when combined with copious amounts of beer and Havana rum -- and actually I am not surprised at all that we stumble into hilariously strange situations.

Take this past weekend for example. Sergio’s birthday night, Saturday. It was a boy’s night, and my boyfriend and his BBF (Best Bro Friend) Olli were in attendance at the party. No worries -- rocker chick Jenny (Olli’s girlfriend) and I had a girls’ night and met the extremely drunk boys much later at a club.

Around 11 pm we got a Whatsapp picture from my boyfriend, Mario. He and Olli were holding their shirts up and pushing their crotches together. It looked almost like they were comparing belt buckles. The text read “Pinkie Promise!” Earlier I'd taught him what a pinkie promise is, and he pinkie promised me that “Tonight I will be really really drunk.”

Jenny stared at the picture, then at me. I explained to her the pinkie promise thing, and we wrote back “Congratulations.”

We didn’t think any more about it until we were heading home around 7:30 that morning. The sun was just starting to come up and Jenny and I were the only sober ones.

We were standing on a street corner near the Eberswalder stop on Schoenhauser Allee. If you’re not familiar with it, it’s a fairly busy intersection. This morning the traffic was more of the drunken  pedestrian sort and less of the auto sort, but it was busy nonetheless.

Suddenly, Mario stopped and yelled “PINKIE PROMISE!” Olli’s face lit up and both boys started undoing their flys, leaving their belts and top buttons alone. Jenny and I looked at each other, thinking “Oh God, what are they doing now?”

The boys shoved their hands inside their jeans, struggling around, and finally poked their little fingers out of their unzipped pants. It really looked like baby penises wagging around. “PINKIE PROMISE!!” they both yelled, then pushed their hips together and started playing a weird game of fencing with their digits. Suddenly the picture we’d received earlier made a lot more sense.

A drunk guy walking by saw the fencing match and wanted in on it, too. “Hey, ja!” he said, unzipping his pants. Except he also undid his belt and the top button.  When we realized what was happening, it was too late. We all screamed “NOOOOOOOO!!” It was like everything was happening in slow motion -- you want to stop it, but you can’t. He was barreling ahead like a locomotive, unstoppable in his drunken stupor.

“PINKIE PROMISE!” he yelled, whipping out his penis and ready to join in on the fun.

I was hysterical, laughing so hard I was about to cry. Jenny was screaming about how disgusting it looked. And the boys were all yelling “Dude!! It’s just our fingers!!”

He stood there for a few seconds, then put the pieces together. “Oh…” He shoved the penis back into his pants. “You could have told me sooner that it was just your fingers, you assholes,” he mumbled, complete embarrassment breaking through the alcohol haze. But it was all good. We had a good laugh together, Olli gave him a high-five (Jenny sighed and told me, “Now I have to burn his hands. That penis was disgusting looking.”) and he took a group photo of us.

Indeed, upon retrospection.. It’s not a surprise at all that we attract such characters. What would you expect when having a “penis fight” at 7:30am on a weekend near Kulturbrauerei?

Let’s see what fun the next weekend brings..

The park that never ends - Tempelhofer Feld

This weekend my friend Jan was visiting from Hamburg. Because the weather had finally taken a turn for the better, we ventured out to a new part of the city for me: Tempelhofer Feld.

bz-berlin

As I mentioned before, Berlin is 44% park. After going to Tempelhof, I can see where 43% of that green space comes from. If you've flown into Berlin before 2008, you might have a different view of Tempelhof -- the view from inside the terminal. Yes, that's right -- the park is an AIRPORT.

It officially opened its doors in 1923, and was named Tempelhof after the Knights Templar who made it their stomping grounds waaaay back in the day. It was busiest from 1938-1939. Not surprising.

wikipedia

pressechronik

Tempelhof was closed in 2008 in an attempt to centralize air traffic in Berlin and make Schönefeld the main airport. At the time, there were 3 airports in opposite corners of the city -- not good for noise pollution, and probably making air traffic controlling a nightmare.

The airport remained unused except for the occasional tradeshow or fair, which were held inside the hangar.  The rest of the time, the huge space was left untouched. So, instead of expensive development projects, in 2010 Berlin decided "What the hell, let's just make it a park."  In true lazy Berlin fashion, everything was left exactly the same -- they took down the barbed wire on the fence around the airport and put up a sign saying that it's a park, and that's about it.  The airport itself remains, and the hangar continues to be used for trade shows and raves. There was actually a rave that day, and the thumping bass of the techno rolled over the park from the hangar.  Nevermind that it was 4pm -- when Berlin parties, it's a weekend-long affair, sunlight be damned.

bz-berlin

In addition to the ravers in the cavernous hangar, day-living Berliners were rollerblading, kiteboarding, and biking on the runways and picnicking on the grass. Tons of people lugged little portable grills out with them and were roasting various kinds of meat and sausages à la Germany.

pollimagazin

tempelhoferfeld.info

There are some important lessons I learned about visiting Templehof, which I will share with you in case you ever get the chance to visit it in the hopes that you will learn from my mistakes:

• We were meeting a group of Jan's coworkers who also happened to be in Berlin this weekend. They arrived before us, and we mistakenly thought we could just give them a call and meet up. No way, Jose. We forgot to take into account one very important factor: the park is a freaking airport. After walking all over Berlin earlier that day, we were looking forward to sitting down and resting our tired feet. We arrived at the park..and had to walk almost the entire length of the thing just to get inside the nearest entrance. And THEN, once inside we were confronted with the massive airfield. We wandered around for a while, moving from one picnicking group to another and finally realized that we could do this all day and never find them. Using Whatsapp, his friends showed us their location in the field. And we realized that they were clear on the other side of the park, a good 40 mn walk away. I actually stopped to sit and eat an apple for some quick energy. According to runningmap.com, we walked 2.36 miles -- just to get to where his friends were. Lesson learned: plan where to meet and enter the park through the closest gate.

Our journey to find Jan's friends

• The weather was super nice and sunny, so we dressed accordingly -- short sleeves, etc. Years of living in San Francisco taught me to be prepared for everything, since going from one neighborhood to the next block often meant a drop of 10+ degrees and a wall of fog. I quickly learned to always bring a light jacket with me. Inside Berlin the buildings block most of the wind, but the huge expanse of Templehof is devoid of buildings. Chilly winds constantly swept across the field (probably why it's so popular with kite skaters) and I was constantly pulling on my jacket and taking it off -- even sometimes wishing I had brought a heavier one with me. Lesson learned: wear layers, regardless of how warm it is in your neighborhood.
• The bathrooms are real bathrooms - full plumbing, stocked with paper, and even a cleaning lady. It's a nice change from the bushes that most European parks provide. HOWEVER.. I may have mentioned earlier that the park is huge. This therefore means that bathrooms are about a mile away from each other. How do you find one? Look for where lots of people are camped out with their little portable bbqs, and then hike for half an hour. Lesson learned: park your picnic close to the bathroom, or go when you see one -- you never know when the next one will come around.
• One of Jan's friends brought his dog along. The dog was some kind of hound mix, big but so chill -- off leash he just sniffed around and hung out. And then he got the idea of exploring on his own while the owner was chatting away. No harm done, just some wandering and sniffing. But all of a sudden we heard a yell and a whistle, and two park officials came over wearing bright orange windbreakers. I didn't get everything but it was obvious that the dog was not welcome and should be kept near us at all times. "Clean up all this when you leave, too," they added for good measure, indicating our picnic supplies and beer bottles. Then they stalked off to rain on someone else's parade. Lesson learned: keep your dog nearby, no matter how well behaved. Or else you'll be given a stern scolding from the Park Patrol.

tempelhoferfeld.info

All in all it's a really unique place -- where else can you rave inside an airplane hangar and rollerblade on a tarmac on the same day? The huge, flat expanse of the park ensures that there is more than enough space for everyone, but is not for the mobility-impaired. Unless you are sticking to the tarmac, in which case you are golden. Just be sure to come prepared and park yourself in the right place, with an eye out for the Park Police.

Frohes neues Jahr! Happy New Year!

So, apparently Berliners really love NYE. Ever since Christmas people have been setting off a few fireworks, but nothing like yesterday. Starting early in the morning, the booming that echoed around the city never stopped. I felt like I was living in a war zone. "Berlin or Baghdad?" joked my roommate.

Obviously, I've known that New Year's was coming up for quite some time, but I couldn't get motivated enough to really plan anything.  I knew for sure that I didn't want to buy a ticket for a party in a club. You pay 10x the normal admission for the same club, only decorated with some silver streamers and balloons. You better hope the crowd and music are good, because you just forked over $70 (drinks not included) to be trapped in the same space for the next 6 hours. I made this mistake in 2013 and it sucked.

It was starting to look like the same sad story as Christmas Eve -- everyone was invited somewhere else, and I was not about to invite myself along to a stranger's party as a +1..But then I got a text from Andy, my ex-coworker who spent Christmas with me.  He's also a recent transplant to Berlin and was in the same boat. Suddenly New Year's was looking better!

We were thinking of going to Brandenburger Tor, which is Germany's version of the Times Square NYE.  Literally about a million people gather for almost a mile in front of the Brandenburger Tor to party and ring in the new year together.  A huge stage is set up and bands, DJs, or singers perform (this year was Trans Siberian Orchestra). News anchors wander around with a mic and it's broadcasted across Germany. At midnight they have an amazing fireworks display.  I have a sneaking suspicion it's mostly a tourist thing to do, or maybe one of those "Do it once just to say you did it" things, because I asked a few Berliners about it and not only have they never been there, but they expressed absolutely no interest in ever going.

I don't blame them -- you are outside in the freezing cold, trying to keep your holiday buzz going, then using port-a-potties that 100,000 people used before you, waiting in never-ending lines for beer, and it's dangerous! It's got a bad reputation for crazy people shooting fireworks into the crowd.  Why deal with that when you can have a house party in a warm flat with your best friends (and be protected from flaming, exploding projectiles)?

With Brandenburger Tor out of the picture, we decided on an Irish pub near Oranienburger Tor.  There are lots of bars around, so it would be easy for us to hop from one to the next. Oscar Wilde is a typical Irish pub -- lots of wood and leather, booth seating, and good beer on tap. All in all a solid place.  They've got a second room in the back with an additional bar plus a stage, where a guy was playing and singing traditional songs plus Mumford and Sons-type covers.

The crowd was some Germans and (unsurprisingly) a few groups of Brits. It was fun! The singer started the countdown to midnight and then led us in Auld Lang Syne.  And then.. The bar was literally deserted in a matter of minutes as everyone rushed outside to see the fireworks. They were EVERYWHERE. In the street, on the sidewalk, shooting from apartment windows.. People had been shooting them off literally all day but this was incredible.  We found a big intersection overlooking a canal and watched the fireworks as party boats floated by, crowded with people waving at us.

Afterwards we hit up die Berliner Republik, a restaurant/bar nearby with a dance floor and boogied down for a couple of hours. The DJ was playing a really huge mix of music.. Martin Garrix - Animals, Eiffel 65 - Blue, David Guetta - Sexy Chick, Culture Beat - Mr. Vain, and even.. Will Smith's Fresh Prince rap.  The Germans really liked that one for some reason--everyone was singing it.  There was a huge mix of people, too. Some 20-somethings, 40-somethings, even a few 60+-somethings were getting their dance on.  There was this hilarious couple dancing next to us. They had to be in their 50s but they were having so much fun and were so into each other, taking silly pictures, dancing, flirting.. It was really heartwarming to see them together. I want something like that someday.

Afterwards I headed over to Mir's apartment. The Ubahn stopped at Seestr so I had to walk a ways..The streets were mostly empty in our neighborhood, but the party-goers had left the streets looking like the set of a zombie movie. The hike was worth it, though -- he had a Berliner (a fluffy donut filled with jelly and glazed to perfection), a bottle of champagne, and a New Year's kiss waiting for me. A perfect ending to a fun night and a rollercoaster year.

dancing the night away and having fun with NYE decorations

Fireworks in the streets

Watching fireworks!

I stole an ornament. Look of pure evil glee on my face

Go to my youtube channel to see videos from the night..

Company Christmas Party

I work for a startup in Berlin. Apparently it's a pretty normal thing to do in this city -- Berlin has one of the highest concentrations of startups in all of Europe. True to startup form, they do things a little bit differently due to the lack of HR.

We had our Christmas party this past weekend, and wow.. What a party.

First off we began with a presentation (accompanied by beer for the guys and  by the CEO about the past year, the company in general, and the goals for the next year. He used 3 examples to try to make our product more relatable to customers, one of which was an employee who "is with a different girl every night." Although the employee in question was not there, the CEO used this example several times, making for a funny -- but very awkward -- situation because this man slut's ex gf is also an employee and was in attendance.  It was not very cool.

After the meeting we headed out to The Grand, a restaurant/bar/club that is swanky in that chic divey way that some places manage to achieve.  It looks kind of like a rich old person's house, and is huge. There is a fine line between actual dive and dive-chic, and a huge part of that is the quality of service. The wait staff were top notch and the quality of the food was amazing.

We had our own room and arrived in small groups. I ended up near the CEO, the other US girl, and the 3rd in command, S. It was nice to talk to US girl for "real" because normally at the office she is very reserved and work-focused.  S was great, however. We chatted away contentedly for the whole dinner.

Dinner was amazing, a 3 course German extravaganza. You had the option of choosing meat, fish or vegetarian when RSVPing for the invite. Most chose meat, I asked for fish, and the "twins" (two girls who are besties in the office) got vegetarian.

First course: charcuterie & fois gras / salad
Second course: chicken leg / salmon / risotto accompanied by dumplings and various kinds of German cabbage
Third course: a marzipan tart and ice cream

Wine was free flowing during the entire meal. I have no idea how many bottles we drank but it was a LOT.  While we were waiting between courses people were moving around and switching seats. A bit of excitement (among the girls, at least) went around because a rumor was floating around that German actor Til Schweiger was in the house.

My salad

The meat dish's appetizer..More meat

Yummy salmon & chicken on the other plate

dessert

After dinner we moved downstairs to the bar and partied our hearts out. It was still a bit early for Berlin to be out and about in full force. We were one of the first groups in the bar and lo and behold Til Schweiger was taking advantage of the quiet time! I got a picture with him. He was shorter and much more average looking compared to the way I imagined him to be, but I've heard that's the way with actors in general...I wouldn't know, I haven't seen too many.

Til Schweiger, the guy I didn't recognize till someone told me he was in Inglorious Bastards, which I haven't seen.

Once the DJ started everyone was dancing around and taking pictures. We were taking over the dance floor!  For some reason we were all ordering Moscow Mules. No idea why.  They are delicious, by the way

After what seemed like only 5 minutes of dancing, but was probably about 5 hours, we tried to head off to another locale. The only problem was, there were so many of us and we were so drunk.. We just kind of peeled off and went in separate groups despite our best efforts. I ended up at a club called Cookies gate crashing the Christmas party of another startup that the CEO and COO knew about. I was so drunk at this point I have no idea how we got inside.. The CEO was talking forever to the ticket lady and finally she let us inside. It's kind of a blur, I remember getting drinks from the C-guys and then they went off to talk to someone, leaving us girls (S, B, and I) to fend for ourselves. S left shortly thereafter but B and I stuck it out for a while. I spotted a pole at one corner of the dance floor and tried to show off my pole dancing skills. I would prefer to not see how that turned out.

I heard a couple people faceplanted a few times. I somehow managed to stay upright, but discovered upon waking that about a good hunk of one of my fingernails had ripped off. Talk about painful. At first it was bleeding but now it's getting better and the skin is toughening up a lot. On the one hand this is good because I actually have use of all ten fingers now and don't have to wince in pain every time I touch something. On the other (superficial) hand I am doubting the nail will ever really grow back over the fresh skin. My french manicures, should I ever choose to get them, will be forever ruined. Oh well.

It may not look that bad now.. But try ripping off part of your fingernail and see how you feel

Live for the nights you won't remember with the friends you'll never forget, right??