I don't have any topic in particular, so this is going to be a general "catch up/highlight" post.
Last week I attended an online conference about meditation. It was actually really cool -- they streamed each session for 24 hours after the original broadcast. There were all kinds of speakers -- 33 in all. Each session was about an hour, so I had to pick and choose which ones I wanted to watch. But I learned something from each one. Each speaker started off with how he/she got into meditation and then the impact of his/her particular kind of meditation on their lives. It finished with a 10-15 minute guided meditation led by the speaker.
It was a really great, calming way to start my day. I found that I have a lot of pent up emotions that need to come out. I'm the queen of compartmentalization and burying things because it's easier than dealing with them, but I learned by listening to the sessions that it's really not a good thing to do. And it was obvious when I was meditation. After just a couple of minutes, tears were running down my face. Not because I was sad, but because the emotions were finally getting a chance to surface. I am going to try to meditate each day, but it's so hard for me to just sit and try to clear my mind. I made a goal to work up to 30 minutes at a time.
The effect it has on my work is great. I had some bad news about my team fucking up last week, and I was furious -- it was affecting multiple people at the company, and it was DESPITE us having had an hour long meeting about the subject. Not only did it make us look stupid, we were also putting other people behind. I decided to get off the train early and walk the rest of the way to the office to clear my head and avoid ripping into everyone as soon as I got to work. On the way, a German girl dressed in a sari stopped me. She represented a temple in the city and started talking to me about karma and life. The timing was almost funny -- after my meditation conference, and just when I was struggling to put what I learned in the sessions to work in the real world. When I walked away from her, I was calm -- I had the new perspective that the team's fuckup was just a fleeting moment in the grand scheme of things, and that although it was a problem that needed to be dealt with, it wasn't worthy of such a huge surge of negative emotion. Life is cool sometimes.
Speaking of work, we just moved into a new office. It's so cool. I feel like we're in a legitimate company now and not just working out of an apartment. The floorplan is open and airy with high ceilings. We have a couple of balconies, a ping pong table, and couches for informal meetings and working together. There are even some big outdoor beanbag chairs, perfect for lounging around on the balcony. Before the US team was stuffed into a tiny meeting room that faced the building's inner courtyard. It was cramped, dark, and when we were all on the phone the noise was almost unbearable. There's still noise in our new spot (we are next to the Brazilian team, and they tend to speak loudly and emphatically) but we can see everyone and get some sunlight, which does wonders.
I was really struggling to deal with the new responsibility. Not because I wasn't able to manage the team, but because I was trying to do everything at once. Be a top seller, a leader, and tackle side projects at the same time. Finally I realized that if I kept that up, I'd get burned out quickly. I had two options: be a hands-off manager and try to outsell everyone, giving them something to aspire to -- or to be a hands on manager and let someone else be the top seller. I chose the second option -- I'd rather have a team of happy, balanced sellers who can focus on performance, have all their questions answered, and have their needs met. Once I made that decision, it's become so much easier. I still have my own accounts but if I have too many meetings one day, or if we have a new trial hire for the week, I don't beat myself up if I can't meet my selling goals. And to hear the CEO tell me that I'm doing a great job is the icing on the cake -- ultimately I want to make him happy, and to hear that what I'm doing is working is such a relief and gives me energy and drive to keep going.
Also, I started seeing someone new. I met Dingens (not his real name) for the via Tinder back in December, but then I met Mir, and stopped seeing Dingens although we kept in touch. He's so German -- studying engineering (civil), tall and blond, and not from Berlin. It's still really casual but it'll be nice to see where things go with him.
Also, thank everyone who wrote me about my mom after reading my last post. It really means a lot to me to know that I have people around the world who are with me in spirit. Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart!
I leave you with some pictures of Berlin in the spring.
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| anchoredpaperplane |
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| anchoredpaperplane |
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| panoramio |
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| paperblog |
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| telegraph.co.uk |
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| viador |
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