The start of Winter might be here

Current weather, according to Google:
Temperature: 26F (-3C).
Precipitation: Light freezing drizzle.
Wind: 7mph (11km/h).

Current weather, according to Casey:
Temperature: -10F (-23C).
Precipitation: Light shower of frozen needles.
Wind: enough to permanently attach your hands inside your pockets

I can hear some people now..."But Casey, this is nothing. I lived at the North Pole for 10 years and had to walk to school in snow that was ABOVE my head, uphill, without shoes, fighting polar bears and falling through ice--"  Yeah yeah I know, you were a foster child raised by a pack of wolves in Alaska.

I, however, grew up in South Carolina, which has a humid subtropical climate. If the word "tropical" does not clue you in, it's common to wear shorts for at least week or two in midwinter.  If it even approached the freezing point, school was delayed. And if there was actually snow -- SNOW DAY! NO SCHOOL! LET'S GO MAKE SNOWMEN GUYS! And we'd run outside and make the smallest, muddiest, crappiest snowmen ever with the 2 inches of snow that melted by noon.

SC snowmen. I'm actually astounded that they got snow at the beach at all

 Wiki says:

 In the summer, South Carolina is hot and humid with temperatures during the day averaging near 90 °F (32 °C) across most of the state with overnight lows near 70 °F (21 °C). Winter temperatures are much less uniform. Coastal areas of the state have very mild winters with high temperatures averaging about 60 °F (16 °C) and overnight lows close to 38 °F (3 °C). Further inland in the Piedmont, temperatures average between 50 °F (10 °C) during the day and 32 °F (0 °C) at night.

 What Wiki does not mention is that summer lasts from late April/early May until October. Six months. SIX. Versus Berlin, which apparently has six months of winter.

Imagine my confusion when I get a text from Mir this morning: "Be careful when you're leaving. I have seen 4 people falling on the street."  Falling on the street? Are they drunk? Berlin has its share of daytime drunks but they are harmless, always much more wrapped up in what's left in their beer bottles than in the people around them. And if by chance they suddenly become aware of their surroundings, a few seconds of speed-walking past them puts you out of harm's way.  They move at a pace slightly faster than a sloth and about as straight as a sine function.

His words suddenly took on a new, much more sinister meaning as I was leaving for work. I step outside my door and my foot slid suddenly in the opposite direction. The entire sidewalk was covered with a thin sheet of ice, broken only by a narrow pathway of grit and salt, which continued.. THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE CITY. The entire population now has a 2 foot wide walkway that is relatively safe to walk on, bordered on both sides by dangerous badlands. It was like the adult population was playing some kind of reverse "don't touch the lava" game that you played as children.

Woman playing the lava game and about to lose, courtesy of thelocal.de

Unfortunately this is Berlin and people are not always so polite or thoughtful. This means that you are often forced off the little patch of safety into the no-man's-land as couples/groups refuse to give up their bit of sidewalk. Which, in turn, means that you instantly become a geisha (as B put it) and take the tiniest steps possible, head bent and downcast eyes, searching for the path that offers the best friction.

Berlin's sidewalks are wide, with a concrete strip in the middle and extremely rough, tiny square cobblestones on either side. You might think that the smooth concrete would be more dangerous compared to the rough, bumpy surface of the stones. WRONG.  In a twisted joke (from nature, or the city planners -- I don't know, and don't know which I'd prefer), the rough surface of the stones is actually much more slick than the concrete. To all those foolish enough to tread upon them, they become little stalagmites of danger and pain and, worst of all, public embarrassment. After a near slip, I quickly learned that the concrete was the better option.

I managed to arrive at my apartment building with my dignity and backside intact.  And then.. I realized that my entire apartment courtyard is paved with these little square bastards.  What was once a quaint European courtyard has been transformed into a test of balance, determination, and sobriety.  Luckily I was returning directly from work so I had at least two of these. Carrying precious cargo -- a bottle of wine -- formed the third side of the triangle (and promises to destroy another side later, but that's irrelevant).

And it's only going to get worse. I wonder at what point is it acceptable to go into hibernation, preferably with a good stock of red wine and Belgian beer.

Tomorrow's forecast, according to Google:
Temperature: 34F high / 24F low (1C/-4C)
Precipitation: Snow showers
Wind: 9mph (14km/h)

Tomorrow's forecast, according to Casey:
Temperature: blood-freezing. Note to self: drink more than normal to keep blood at optimal flowing point and prevent clotting
Precipitation: freezing cold stars thrown from cloud ninjas
Wind: too much